swag

L'autista
Administrator
Sep 23, 2003
84,163
For a while now I've been left with a feeling that I've not lived up to my "potential" in life and am very unaccomplished. I just think of where I wanted to be while I was younger and see where I am now, and it just doesn't feel good enough. It's not just employment wise, but in terms of where I am in life (house/wife/kids/etc). I realize that in real terms, things could be a lot worse off than they are, but they could be better too all things considered. Overarching goals obviously have to change depending on the circumstances that you find yourself in as well, but there's just that feeling that I should've done more when looking at the bigger picture and realizing that I haven't taken the most optimal paths in life.

I guess it's just a part of getting older, and that you just have to accept that more correct choices in life could've been made.
Apologies that I first thought this was copypasta.

But nothing here throws a red flag at all. And @GordoDeCentral brought up some excellent points.

"Living up to your potential" needs to be an intrinsic driver and not an extrinsic one. I've seen too many people waste their lives, chasing memetic desires, and getting completely lost in the process while supposedly achieving what they thought they so dearly wanted.

What you want is a difficult thing to answer. Few take it seriously enough. So much inner work and knowing yourself.

And you are not fixed and evolve, as you should. So you can never be perfect in progress even if you were in planning -- just because of the drift that comes with experience, exposure, learning, and maturity. But you have to start by knowing yourself deeply, working from there, but also allowing room to change.

My gut says it would be wise to try to cross-check every sense of your not living up to your potential as to whether that's an intrinsic indicator or an extrinsic one. Unhappiness is driven by extrinsic desires. Happiness is driven by intrinsic ones. Because in the end, what does "living up to your potential" matter compared to doing what you love, enjoying it, being with the people you love, and spending time on what and who you love.

It's not always the case, but potential is often the wrong yardstick.

A general rule should be:
What comes from inside yourself: good
What comes from a highly performative online influencer profiting off personal dissatisfaction of those who haven't done the internal work and questioning first: bad
 
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Bjerknes

"Top Economist"
Mar 16, 2004
113,636
I definitely need to, I'm naturally very risk-averse. This is something I've recognized for a while, so I try to take on some extra risk here and there in situations where it wouldn't be potentially physically harmful to do so.

Yeah for sure. That's the other side of it really, as long as you're still alive and healthy then you do have at least some measure of control over things to exploit.

This is true, and what I tell myself a lot :p

Some things are out of my control of course, but a bunch of reasons. But misplaced effort, not enough effort, sub-optimal choices, lack of risk-taking in order to avoid failure or rejection, a multitude of reasons.

You need to find enjoyment in life too, can't hit yourself for that. We only get one life afterall. What company would you start, out of curiosity?
It’s way too competitive and too much fighting for every dollar, but probably an IT consulting firm in finance or something.
 
Jun 16, 2020
11,862
A lot of the anxiety you feel is to do with an unconscious need to get validation from the Other. "Success" is measured when compared to others in the same age/background/etc ..., and/or driven by living up to the expectations of others(usually family). The first part is pretty self explanatory, you are deemed successful because you are part of the top percentile in whatever group you identify with, be it in money, fame, social standing, the quality of your mate... The second one is a little more entangled. A lot of people were told they were special and lived most of their existence in a big fish small pond setting believing that very notion. Others were born in cultures that put a lot of pressure on them to go all or nothing in fields that only take in very few. Whatever the case, the other is central to this anxiety/suffering.

You can read up on jungs archetypes to get an idea of what brings the most satisfaction for a more personal definition of success. But for me i keep it pretty simple. You are either:

Farmer
Warrior
Nobleman

Farmers have come to terms with their mediocrity and their station in life. They embrace the stability this realization brings. They pursue endeavors that keep the boat from rocking ex: steady job, a house, family, dog, and go out to a fancy dinner/vacation every now and then. They deal with the anxiety of the other, through resignation.

Warriors choose to fight and let the arena determine their station in life. They embrace risks and go on adventures farmers psyche cannot handle. They will eventually become farmers, succumb to the wounds of their pursuit, or win. They are either delusional or despise the boredom of a farmers' life. They use the anxiety as a fuel for their pursuit.

Nobles are the keepers of their brothers. Their only concern with the other is how they could be of assistance. Not to be confused with those who seek social validation through explicit acts of benevolence. The real noble pities both farmers and warriors(successful ones or otherwise), and transcends the others pressure and feel little to none of its anxiety.

Most of us have all 3 battling inside us. But eventually one of them will come out on top. Only way to find out is to test the waters.
This was a nice read.

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For a while now I've been left with a feeling that I've not lived up to my "potential" in life and am very unaccomplished. I just think of where I wanted to be while I was younger and see where I am now, and it just doesn't feel good enough. It's not just employment wise, but in terms of where I am in life (house/wife/kids/etc). I realize that in real terms, things could be a lot worse off than they are, but they could be better too all things considered. Overarching goals obviously have to change depending on the circumstances that you find yourself in as well, but there's just that feeling that I should've done more when looking at the bigger picture and realizing that I haven't taken the most optimal paths in life.

I guess it's just a part of getting older, and that you just have to accept that more correct choices in life could've been made.
Find yourself a beautiful Italian woman and make some nice kids bro.
 
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ZoSo

Senior Member
Jul 11, 2011
41,656
I just looked up the Juventus roster. I barely recognise a single name. I've essentially got to the point in FIFA career mode or Football Manager when the game started generating new players. Crazy how much changes in 4 or 5 years

holy hell my profile has 97 warnings hahaha good times
 
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